Later
by Katheryn Mae
Summary: There was a 'later' for them, whenever that would be. But could it be now? -- Extensive one-shot in response to The Choice's end Huddy scene. -- Huddy.


AN: So, I seriously thought that my Huddy muse had died. Forever. Then, I saw that wonderful scene at the end of "The Choice" and I began writing. I didn't even know where this was going, or if it would work, because I thought that I had lost all my hope in the show. Now, after hours of schoolwork, power naps and writing - here it is - all 5,403 words of this oneshot.

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_"I just want us to be friends."_

_ "Funny. That's the last thing I want us to be."_

Cuddy slipped into her office, shutting the door behind her; glad that the lobby was dead silent, and that the staff still there ignored her. She didn't turn on her lights, and made her way to her desk, sitting in the darkened office. Leaning back in her chair, she closed her eyes, taking in the silence of the room.

She jumped slightly, the ringing of her cellphone startling her from her silence. Picking up the phone, she glanced at the screen, seeing that she had a new text. It was from Lucas; as she had expected, but she set the phone aside, the hurt bubbling up in her throat again. Dropping her phone in her purse, she kicked off her shoes, rubbing her sore feet against the carpet.

Closing her eyes, she let a tear form in her eye, before it made its lonely way down her cheek. Another followed and she wiped her eyes with her sleeve; the black mascara staining the lilac material. Shoulder shaking, Cuddy looked up, seeing the lobby empty out a bit more.

There was a knock at her door and hurriedly, she dried her eyes with the mascara-stained sweater sleeve, knowing that the stain would take ages to get out. Calling the person in, she looked up and flicked on her desk light, bathing the room in a faint glow as Jeffery stepped inside. He held a stack of file folder in his arms, which he set on Cuddy's desk as he reached her.

"Oh, thanks for bringing those in," she glanced at the file folders sitting on her desk, pulling one towards her. "I'll leave them in my outbox when I finish them," she bit her lip, hoping he didn't notice her facade cracking, "Night Jeffery."

"Good night Dr. Cuddy." He headed towards the door, taking his cue to leave just as the walls of Cuddy's usually constant facade came crashing down.

Cuddy sighed, pain tugging at her chest and she felt panic flash through her as she leaned forwards, resting her forehead against her palms. The more she thought, the stronger the pain seemed to become, and the more pain she felt, the more she thought about why it was so evident. It was tore at her heartstrings; gently, but strongly, reminding her that there wasn't an easy way out of the hole she had dug for herself. _This was all wrong_; she told herself, knowing it was a worthless argument that would only leave her with more pain. It was House would wanted their friendship to change, no her. They couldn't change now, she had Lucas, and for now, he was enough.

But she couldn't understand her pain then; why should she be antagonizing over House wanting a relationship with her when she was with Lucas. She was happy, Lucas made her happy – that was all that mattered. Right?

She didn't know what mattered now.

Her friendship with House; being a good mother to Rachel; having a successful job and reputation; being in a happy relationship. All that mattered … but when she thought on it, she noticed that Lucas had never been named specifically in her mind. Of course, she knew in some way that he mattered now; but she wasn't sure how. He was there for her, he helped with Rachel, he triedto support her, and he could listen to her. But what Cuddy didn't know yet was if House could do all that too – and the fact that she _wanted _to know that worried her.

She have even said it herself, _everyone knows this is going somewhere_, but she was frightened about what she could expect when they did _go there_. Okay, she could admit that she was curious about what a relationship with House would be like, but she wasn't spending her time skipping around hoping for one. Though she knew how it would go, she already knew they wouldn't last together forever – there was bound to be something that happened that was out of their control and they fell apart.

She couldn't do that to Rachel; her daughter needed someone to be a father figure in her life as well as a mother. Cuddy knew that she wouldn't be able to handle House leaving her either.

Wait. Did she just say that? _Yes_. She did. But she had no clue what that meant; as a friend, as a coworker, as a boyfriend?

"No," Cuddy hissed under her breath, "I don't think of House that way, I never have … and it's not fair." She stopped, reaching for her cellphone again, hearing it ring. Bringing the speaker to her ear, she sighed, "Hello?"

"Hey Lisa," Lucas' cheerful voice only brought her down more and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "I know it's late, but I was hoping to stop by the hospital, bring you something to eat?"

"No," She replied, too quickly and she kicked herself for it, "I … I'm busy Lucas, too much going on. Maybe later this week." She prayed that he would see reason and breathed a faint sigh of relief when he agreed.

"Okay," the disappointment was obvious in his voice, "Bye Lisa, love you." He waited, knowing she'd say something too.

Opening her mouth, Cuddy went to reply, but she couldn't and instead, she pressed the _End _button, setting the phone in her lap. She couldn't do this, not now – her feelings towards House were obvious, she wanted him, not Lucas. No matter how she looked at it; sideways, through tinted glass, across a lake, from a telescope; she would always want House.

"Damn it!" Cuddy cursed, slamming her hand on the table, "Why must I be such an idiot?"

_You aren't_. Cuddy's own heart seemed to whisper the words in her ear, _You love him_.

"I know," Cuddy breathed, looking at the photo of her and Rachel on her desk, "Rachel, your mother loves a wonderful man named Gregory House." She smiled, before turning her attention to the darkening skies outside.

Shrugging she rubbed at the mascara stain on her sweater, debating putting on her lab coat over it before deciding against it. The more professional she looked right now would have made her wonder how House would react to her; as she knew that the possible conversation that lay ahead had nothing to do with work whatsoever. Pulling open the door, she made her way from her office to his in nearly record time, but when she reached the corner of the DDX room, she froze.

_No_, she told herself; _House is House, you don't need to run from this. That's what you've been doing the past twenty years._ Her brain wanted to shout back, and rattle off various foolish reasons on why it was a crazy idea for her to be back outside House's office.

Cuddy leaned on the wall, watching House, who sat at his desk, staring into the mug in front of him. He looked lost, and she swallowed, her breath catching at he turned his head towards her. Pulling herself around the corner, she leaned against the wall, making sure that he hadn't seen her. She watched as he reached for the Ibuprofen bottle and poured a few pills into his hand, a shudder running down her spine, knowing that he surely had more than the safe dosage. Tears formed in her eyes, and even though she didn't know the reason for them, she let them roll down her cheeks.

"You know," House's voice echoed out into the hall, "You can come in and talk to me or act like a complete stalker by watching me. Okay Cuddy?" His voice sounded different; like it had lost some of his pride or his own walls were coming down too.

She jumped and dabbed at her eyes, cursing herself for coming up to see him, and she took a breath, rounding the corner.

Their eyes meet, tearful gray ones on his lost blue orbs, and Cuddy had to stop herself from breaking down again.

"I'm sorry House." She stood in the doorway, just as she had nearly fifteen minutes ago.

"For what?" He looked down at the mug, his voice harsh.

"House," Cuddy crossed the room, taking the mug from his hands and placing it in her own lap as she sat in the chair opposite him. This was new, her taking command in his office, and it chilled her. "You know what I'm trying to apologize for."

"You can't control that you're with Lucas," House snapped back, and Cuddy shrunk back into the chair, knowing bringing up Lucas was always a sensitive topic. Especially now.

"That's where you're wrong," she stared at the mug now, her voice barely above a whisper. "You've been wrong about that from the beginning." Cuddy looked up at him, seeing his eyes focused on her, "You think I don't have control over my own relationships? That's what you think?" Anger bubbled in her, and for a second, she wanted to storm from the room. Then she swallowed, calming herself, reminding herself that House had just admitted him feelings for her in his own way.

"No, I don't," House stared at the top of her head as Cuddy's gaze returned to the mug. "I think nothing of the sort Lisa." He stopped himself. _Lisa...? Since when did he call Cuddy by her first name? _

She looked up, noticing the change to her first name, "Then what do you think?" Her eyes were soft, and her heart fluttered at the sound of her first name on his lips, "And tell me the truth. Please," Cuddy look into his eyes for a split second, only to look away when the fluttering feeling returned. Swallowing, she hoped she wasn't blushing, she felt like a teenager, going crazy over her first crush.

But it fit. Maybe House wasn't her first crush, and her wasn't her first boyfriend either. But he was her first love. Nothing was more important to her than her first love; no matter what happened between her and them. Though hers was House, which made all the difference, she would always love him.

"Are you even pay attention?" House waved his hand in front of her face, "I haven't even started talking and you're off in la-la land."

"Sorry," Her blush would definitely be obvious now, "I was … thinking." She covered quickly, "You can talk now House." Setting the mug on the floor next to the chair, she leaned back, biting her lower lip nervously. She wanted to call him Greg; hell, she dreamt of calling him Greg when they were alone for years. But now – now that she had the chance – she couldn't bring herself to it.

"I think that you found someone – that someone being Lucas – who makes you feel secure. He's there for you, and Rachel, whenever you need it and you want someone like that in your life. Lucas makes you happy and you want that," he twirled a pen between his fingers, the obvious feeling that he didn't want Lucas to be the man in her life showing. "But, at the same time, you don't think your relationship with Lucas will last – you don't know how it will end, or when. But it will, and until then, you want to be his, one hundred percent." House looked up at her, his eyes looking their usual cerulean blue again, but the hurt and betrayal had returned to them. "You don't want to lose your relationship with Lucas because he's what you want in your life."

Cuddy opened her mouth, meaning to protest; to tell him that she wanted him, but House wasn't done.

"You know that you aren't truly happy with him either, but once you let him go, it's just you and Rachel." House looked at her, hearing Cuddy squeak in protest.

"House, stop, please." Tears welled up in Cuddy's eyes and she blinked them back, still unsure of why she was so close to crying in front of him. "I know what you're saying."

"Then what am I saying Cuddy?" House's voice was so gentle and Cuddy wondered what had exactly changed in him since she had walked into his office.

"I don't know," She stared at the mug, "Are you sure you don't want to grab something to eat? Even coffee is fine."

"Why are you doing this?" House sat up anyways, putting the Ibuprofen bottle in his backpack and taking his cane in one hand, "After all we've gone though, you want to go to dinner?"

"You're a friend House," Cuddy paused, making sure she chose her words carefully, "I know having close friends means something to everyone, even you." She stood, embarrassed as he caught sight of her stained sweater sleeve, and he took her hand, looking at the material.

"What did you do?" House managed a rare, faint smirk, "Have a pen explode on you while … you were crying." He looked into her eyes, "The light silver matches the coloring around your eyes."

"I'm fine, stop poking your nose into my business." Cuddy tugged her hand from his grasp, instantly regretting it as he stopped, looking at her.

"House..." she felt her cheeks redden and she lifted his backpack onto her shoulder, "I'm sorry."

"Here," House held out his hand, taking the backpack from her. "Let's go eat, that's what you wanted, right?" Cuddy nodded, silent, and the two of them walked side by side from House's office towards the elevators.

"Do you need to stop at your office?" House jabbed the Down button with a finger, before stepping onto the elevator. Cuddy nodded, stepping on with him, her hand brushing his slightly as they both reached for the buttons. The two of them rode in silence, House shifting on his feet and Cuddy twirling a strand of her hair around her finger.

As the elevator jolted to a stop, Cuddy glanced over at House, "One second." She hurried from the elevator, crossing the lobby and darting into her office. She grabbed her purse from under the desk, before making her way into the bathroom. While digging through her purse, she glanced at her phone, seeing that Lucas had called her while she had been gone, along with sending her two text messages. Pulling out the silver eyeshadow that House had noticed on her sleeve earlier, she reapplied it, before glancing to where House stood in the lobby.

It surprised her that he didn't come into her office and try to hurry her into getting off, and that he was leaning against the desk in thought. Her stomach dropped slightly at the thought of the two of them going to dinner and she reached for her phone again, picking it up again and dialing Lucas' number for a second time that hour.

"Lisa?" Lucas picked up on the first ring.

"I'm sorry," she began, "I just can't …"

"It's House." Lucas' voice had changed, he was no longer cheery and calm. "Lisa, you told me that you were over him – that you wanted to be able to live your life without him nosing his way into everything."

"I changed my mind Lucas!" Cuddy hissed, "House is my friend. And if we were to be together then I would have to push House out of my life." She wiped her eyes, cursing herself for putting on her eyeshadow first. "There is no way in hell that I'm going to push House out of my life, because if I do that, then Wilson get pushed out of my life too."

"And you're picking them over me?" Lucas was shouting into the phone now, "Who the hell are you kidding Lisa? You've always told me that you want them to leave you alone; to keep them out of your personal life – now you _want _them in your life?"

"I'm not going to give up my friendship with either of them, not matter what comes my way." Cuddy snapped, "If you can't deal with that then it's your problem." She hung up, tears in her eyes; and yet again, she had to wonder why.

"You are ready to go for dinner?" House had apparently come into the room, but he stopped, seeing her staring sadly at her hands. He crossed the room and put a hand on her arm, seeing the tears in her eyes. "Are you all right Cuddy?"

"I broke up with him," Cuddy turned to look at House, tears in her eyes.

"Lucas?" House was shocked, and he couldn't help smile internally at the roaring sensation that filled his chest as Cuddy buried her shoulder on his chest, wiping her tears with his shirt. "Why?" He set a hand on her shoulder, reclaiming his shirt from her grasp.

"He … he wanted me to chose," Cuddy swallowed, wiping her runny makeup from her cheeks, "I'm not doing that." She pushed House from the bathroom. "You wait outside, I'll get myself cleaned up then we can go." Shutting the door behind him, she quickly washed her face clear of any makeup and applied a neutral lipstick, hoping that House wouldn't mind her carefree, casual look.

"Ready?" House looked up from her desk as she opened the door and pulled his hands away from the keyboard as she marched over to him. He stood, his expression neutral, before backing away from her, his hands raised in mock defeat. "I didn't do anything!"

Cuddy ignored him, giving her desk a quick once over to make sure he was telling the truth and, upon seeing her was, she nodded. "Good, I don't want to be here any later." She clasped her purse shut and looked at House, a bit nervously. "Are we going?"

"I was waiting for you," House held out his arm, offering it and looking rather unlike his usual self. Instead, Cuddy laughed, taking her briefcase in one hand, before heading towards the door and standing besides it.

The two of them walked from the clinic out to Cuddy's car, where House stood with her, leaning heavily on his cane. He looked at her curiously as she opened the passengers' side door, nodding at the seat.

"You're giving me a ride?" House knew it was useless, enough rumors still floated around the hospital about the two of them, and with that, he got in the car. He tossed his backpack into the back seat, along with his jacket and cane, watching Cuddy as she circled around the back. She was in the car in seconds, her briefcase going into the backseat along with House's stuff, and she glanced into her rear-view mirror quickly, pulling her hair behind her shoulder.

"Ready?" Cuddy started the engine, pulling out of her parking spot, "Any place you have in mind to get something?" She headed down a side street besides the hospital, which, even in Princeton, was one of the quieter ones.

"Can we put on some music?" House reached for the dials without waiting for a response and flipped through the stations, naming the song's title and artist if he could. "Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory." He twirled the dial again, "She Will Be Loved by Maroon Five … Shine On by Eric Bibb..."

Cuddy smiled, in awe that he could rattle off song titles and she reached over, grabbing his hand to stop him from spinning the dial. "Hold up, I like this song." She pulled her hand away from his, embarrassed, and returned it to the steering wheel, humming along under her breath.

_Funny now how it all went by so fast_

_One day she's looking over her shoulder at the past_

_When everybody had to go, had to be, had to get somewhere_

_Somehow she forgot about what got her there_

_Accidents and inspiration lead you to your destination_

"Can we change the music now?" House asked, even though less than a minute had passed since he had removed his own hand from the dial.

"House," Cuddy whined, pouting, "Why are you in charge of the music? Besides, remember – you make the driver unhappy and you're stuck either in the backseat or outside." She switched the station anyways, settling on a new one that was just finishing up a commercial break.

"Fine," House stopped, staring at the speakers, and he glanced sideways at Cuddy, his eyes wide. She looked over at him too, before glancing back towards the road as the familiar song continued.

"Can I change it?" Cuddy asked, already reaching for the dial.

"No," House batted her hand away from the dial and looked downwards, his eyes focused on her hand that rested on the stick shift. His gaze flicked between Cuddy's hand and the road in front of them, unsure of which he should actually watch. "I like this song." He turned the volume up a notch, noticing something he hadn't spotted before reflected in Cuddy's eyes – pain.

"House, stop," Cuddy reached for the dial to turn the music back down, the pain in her chest returning. She glanced over at him, "I have a headache," she lied quickly, hoping that he would believe her. He didn't.

"You just don't want to listen to the song," House argued back, his voice just barely louder than Cyndi Lauper's, "You're still feeling guilty about the fact that I nearly admitted my feelings for you and you walked off because you didn't want to hear it." He looked out the window, "I didn't do a thing wrong yet you hate me for it."

"I hate you for what?" Cuddy looked at him, turning the radio down, "I have no idea what you're even talking about House. I'm sure you know but it's a pointless conversation if you don't even tell me what this is about. Besides us that is."

"Right, it's about _us_." House stressed the last word, "Us as in what I wanted."

"Wanted?" Cuddy repeated, "What do you mean House? You made it clear less than an hour ago that you wanted us to be more than friends. I'm sick of us chasing each other in circles."

"You started it," House's argument sounded like a child's, and Cuddy swallowed slightly, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"I know." She whispered quietly, her hands tensing on the wheel, "I would have."

"You would have what? Broken up with Lucas then? Told me how you felt too? _Told me about Lucas_?" House looked at her, "You _lied_ to me Cuddy, for me to still lov-- care about you after all the stuff you've put me though since I got back from Mayfield says a lot."

"I'm sorry," Cuddy squeaked out, not sure if anything she would say would help, and she shut off the radio completely. "House, I was stupid, I know that. You had every right to know about Lucas, and my feelings for you." She swallowed again, knowing House had nearly slipped the L word to her, "I just want to put that behind us."

"And what Cuddy, act like the past year never happened?" House looked at her, speaking slowly, making sure he didn't slip anything again.

"No … that's not what I meant House, not even close." Cuddy pulled into the parking lot of a small, out of the way, diner; knowing that it would be mostly empty. She quietly locked the doors, looking over at House, "I never want to pretend that anything between us didn't happen, because it all did. Maybe not when we wanted it, or with the outcome we wanted; but everything happened and it's part of our relationship."

"The doors are locked," House stated, trying to open his. "I would like to go eat, not just sit in here."

"Did you mean to say something else?" Cuddy asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper, "Instead of that you care about me?"

House looked at his hands, then out the window, "No, I didn't." He went to unlock his door again, but Cuddy grabbed his hands, pulling them away from the door.

"Yes, you did," she held his hands in her own, "House, I won't hate you, or anything for it. I just want to know what you meant to say."

"ImeanttosaythatIloveyou." House mumbled quickly, pulling his hands from Cuddy's, "Can we got eat _now_?"

"You meant to say what?" Cuddy looked at him, not daring to believe that he was actually admitting his feelings to her.

"That I love you!" House snapped, "Dammit Cuddy, can we just go eat?"

"House," Cuddy looked at him, her eye shining, "We'll go in ..." she trailed off, seeing that he had decided to unlock the doors and was already limping away from the car. She leaned back in the drivers' seat, a faint smile spreading across her lips at House's words before she grabbed her purse and House's cane, following him inside.

"You decided to come join me." House was sitting in a small corner booth and he looked up from the menu as Cuddy slid into the booth across from him. "That's nice." He resumed staring at the front cover of the menu, keeping silent, ignoring Cuddy's reminder on her earlier offer to pay for the meals.

"Are you getting anything?" She broke the silence, startling House slightly when he spoke.

"No, I said I wasn't hungry." He set the menu aside, "You?"

"Just the water." Cuddy set her menu aside also, meeting House's eyes. "Did you mean it?"

"What?" House asked, deflecting.

"That you loved me?" Cuddy asked, sipping the water that she had already gotten, "Or was that another slip?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" House looked up at her, finally meeting her eyes. "Another slip? Another slip after what?"

"After all the ones we've had in the past." Cuddy replied, "You know what I mean now, right?"

"Of course I do," House retorted, ripping up a corner of a paper napkin, "I'm not stupid you know."

"I was just checking!" Cuddy cried, "I didn't know if you were serious."

"About being in love with you?" House looked at her, stunned. "Why the hell do you think I was so damn pissed that you suddenly started dating Lucas and didn't tell anyone?"

"I … I just thought that you were upset at the fact that you didn't know until then." Cuddy replied, "It's not like I was going to announce it to the whole world."

"Lisa," House used her first name, catching Cuddy's attention. "I was upset at the fact that when I actually opened myself up to you, told you nearly straight out that I would have had you in my life since college, wanted to show you that I could be a different person; you just chose to walk away."

She glared at him, eye to eye, "I knew how I felt about you then, and how I still do now." Cuddy hissed under her breath, "I walked away because I was too damn scared of what we could be, and my feelings."

"So?" House stood, "That means you're just going to run away from every relationship you get?" He made his way over to the bar across the room, ordering a soda.

Cuddy leaned back in her booth, silencing her cellphone and looking up as House slid into the booth besides her, his thigh pressing up against hers.

"You still scared of those feelings now?" House looked at her, long and hard, before setting down his soda.

"Why should I be?" Cuddy looked at him, inching herself against the wall, giving herself a few inches space between her and House.

"Because." House leaned down, kissing her softly on the lips, his arms slipping around her waist. He pushed her against the wall, pressing her into him at the same time, urging their bodies closer than space would allow. His tongue slipped past her lips within seconds and he tangled his fingers in her hair, his face scrunched against hers.

"House," Cuddy breathed, pulling herself back from her kiss, blushing as she caught him staring down her sweater at her breasts. "You..." she trailed off as House pressed his lips against hers against, running his hand along her thigh towards the hem of her skirt.

"Yes?" House pulled back from the second kiss, his eyes glued to hers, "You're really interrupting the mood of this moment Cuddy."

"You … you kissed me." Cuddy reached up, running her fingers along her lips, before touching her fingers against House's.

"I thought you liked kisses." House's childish attitude was back and he unwound his arms from around Cuddy, inching himself away from her, but leaving his hand on her thigh, toying with the hem of her skirt. "Or am I completely wrong?" He slid his hand under the black material, running his fingers along the inside of Cuddy's thigh, causing her the shiver slightly under his touch.

"You're … right." Cuddy breathed, her eyes focused on the side of House's head, trying to ignore his fingers against her skin.

"I knew it," House slid his fingers a bit higher on Cuddy's thigh, inching the material of her skirt higher. He sipped his soda casually, massaging the inside of her thigh with his hand, earning a few quiet gasps in response. Rubbing the inside of Cuddy's thigh, he leaned over, brushing his lips over her ear, "You like that?" He rested his lips against her ear for a few moments, inching Cuddy's skirt upwards, ignoring her hands that were trying to pull it back down.

"Yes … but not here," Cuddy turned her head to the side, pressing her lips lightly against House's, before reaching down and pulling his wandering hand into her own. "Let's go."

"Of course mistress," House slid from the booth, following Cuddy as she headed to the counter to pay for their drinks. They were able to make it back to the chair without saying another word, but once inside the safety of Cuddy's Lexus, they both exchanged grins, their eyes alight with a new sparkle.

Cuddy drove, keeping a smile on her lips as House rested his hand on her knee. This was new to both of them; showing each other a whole new slice of their personality that they were usually afraid to show. But somehow, it was right. It was what they wanted, and would always want. Not just now, or the coming week, or even in the next year. They had loved each other for over twenty years, and they both knew it. Relationships were tricky, and there were bumps in the road of every relationship, no matter how long or short it lasted.

Cuddy had always convinced herself that there would be a time for her and House; but it was always 'later'. But now, it wasn't 'later' anymore, it was _now_. And not only was it now, it was how she, and House, wanted it to remain between the two of them. Later was another time, another place – it was a place they had already been to. It was their past, and now they were creating their future.

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**AN: I just love this (then again, I wrote it), and I must thank my friends Brooke, Haley, Ellis and Irene for the help/suggestions they gave me thoughout this fanfic. This is dedicated to them, along with all Huddy shippers out there - keep shipping and stay strong. We will be satisfied with their relationship eventually.**

**x**


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